Have you ever looked at a random person on the street and thought “Damn do I look that fat?” I feel like I’ve done that a lot especially when I feel very negative about my body image. I think to myself about all the opportunities I had to say no to cookies and chips. How I am in control of what I eat, but am I really? Is over eating on salty and sugary foods a precondition?

I ask myself these questions when I am in deep contemplation. Sometimes I just want to snap my fingers and hope that I wake up in a different body. One that I want. They say “its what’s inside that matters”. How can you even begin to find love in yourself when you look at yourself and think about what you want to be.

I’ve been working out and feel like I have built endurance and some healthy habits. Of course I still have those urges to pig out and I’ve done it 3 times since I started back in June 16. This is a slow process I have to go through but even though I have moments of negative body image awareness I also have confidence to go out and feel great about my body.

I recently bought a bikini. It’s a nice bikini that I feel emphasizes my curves and makes me feel comfortable. At first I didn’t like it because I felt out of my comfort zone and thought I looked really fat in it. I looked at every angle and saw imperfections in my thighs, arms, and stomach. I felt so fat, but then I felt beautiful. Hopefully I bought it to wear it and not abandon it. I compare my body to that of others but I am my worst enemy when I do that. I create resentment for myself and my body.


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